Post by Jesse Brake on Oct 19, 2008 15:38:11 GMT -5
Dellamore takes to the stage, wearing a new inquisitor's getup tailored royal blue with midnight hints, white accenting her cap, hat and belt. As customary, she removes her inquisitor's hat and sets it on the corner of the banister, her stool serving as a mini table for her pint.
"Thank you, thank you all! Thank you to The Screaming Cat for hosting my second show in this city tour."
"I decided to do my first city tour here because I bloody love Altdorf and The Karl."
Dellamore looks to a few whistling and clapping patrons.
"Heh, emperor triumphant and all that...cause there really is no other city in the world that can make you laugh quite as hard. A night or so ago, I was really upset about losing some salvaging parts in the Serpent's Passage. I had a few drinks.
Dellamore gives a crowd a look of 'as if you didn't already now'. When a few laughs bubble up, she switches to am almost defensive tone.
"Oh come on! The punch line came up two or three times at The Blowhole! It wasn't just the smell of those coffin dodgers running amok outside. If you didn't know I had a thirst before, then, uh huh yeah."
"Any road, me and my mate Brother Chawps are leaving the First Altdorf Bank when this huge shadow starts looming over us. First I think, 'Great, some pisshead's horse is about to try and eat my hat', so I turn around, and it's this beggar woman. She's at least six foot five, about 30 stone, and lemme tell you...she had EVERYTHING."
Dellamore points down at her lower regions and begins circling her hands around the area.
"She had legs that joined at the calves..."
Dellamore holds her right arm bent upwards over head like she's asking a question and points to her underarm with her left.
"Big ol wings like the Emperor's mount. I ain't even gonna mention the size of the cleavage, but let's just say she could give a greenskin's neck a good wanking. So she looks at Chawps and says,
Dellamore's tone sounds like two stones rubbing against each other, trying to pass off as a female voice.
"Gives me a couple of Karls and I'll lets ya scores."
"Well, us Laughers, we look out for each other and try to stay out of trouble when we can. so I'm putting together this great line about losing sigmar's favor and cheapening the inquisitor's seal, how the light can't possibly shine under all those folds...but what comes out of my sqawker is 'Brother, you take that bit o' skirt back to the officer's lounge and you are the Altdorf shag KING."
Dellamore pauses to take a sip out of her pint. She sighs and smacks her lips, quietly murmuring the word 'tasty'.
"So we head back to the Officer's Lounge. We get inside and the whore slings us off her shoulders."
Dellamore pauses for a bit and takes another sip while a few snickers float around the room.
"She sits Brother Chawps down in a chair and goes, 'Nou, you justs sits here and waits for me to puts on somethings more, puuuurrrrrr, comfortable.'"
"So, Brother Chawps pulls his hat down in front of, ehem, himself, pretending to get ready for the working lass,putting me in stitches. We're hearing a bunch of bangin and knockin, sounds like she has a Hellblaster in the other room."
"Finally, we hear the flight master scream 'Ironbeard's oath! MAKE ME UNSEE!', which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening. The door opens and she comes sauntering in with the grace of a half munted Red Eye giant. So she's waddling in and I'm wondering what the hell it is she's wearing, when it hits me she's down ripped the Corruption banner we took and wrapped it around herself."
Dellamore motions for another drink and she drains the last bit from her pint. The laughter subsides as she looks out in acknowledgment.
"I KNOW, we used that thing to block the sun from the bay window!"
"Any road, she sits down next to Chawps, starts rubbing the inside of her thighs like she's making pie crust and whispers at Chawps 'Eh, so what ya do for the livings?'" So I guess Chawps decided to be a bit off a smartass and goes 'Me? I'm a surveyor for the city. Working on getting the sewers tip top.' And she goes, 'Ahhh, puurrrrr, well that's mighty handy.' Now, at this point I'm hiding behind my hat as well, keeping Chawps from seeing the part of me that is laughing and the whore seeing the part of me that was horrified. Chawps looks at her and goes, 'Oh, and why is that?'"
"Cause there's a big damp crack in me bedroom you need to work on."
At this point, I shoot up out of the chair to leave the room. Chawps though, he's a bloody champ and keeps going with it, saying 'Well, might be an issues with condensation, I mean, what makes you think it's the crack that's damp?"
"Cause it's blooooody weeeeeepin'."
Amidst laughter, Dellamore picks up her hat and waves out to the crowd, stepping off the stage and sitting down with some of her guildkin, their laughs rising above all elses.
"Thank you, thank you all! Thank you to The Screaming Cat for hosting my second show in this city tour."
"I decided to do my first city tour here because I bloody love Altdorf and The Karl."
Dellamore looks to a few whistling and clapping patrons.
"Heh, emperor triumphant and all that...cause there really is no other city in the world that can make you laugh quite as hard. A night or so ago, I was really upset about losing some salvaging parts in the Serpent's Passage. I had a few drinks.
Dellamore gives a crowd a look of 'as if you didn't already now'. When a few laughs bubble up, she switches to am almost defensive tone.
"Oh come on! The punch line came up two or three times at The Blowhole! It wasn't just the smell of those coffin dodgers running amok outside. If you didn't know I had a thirst before, then, uh huh yeah."
"Any road, me and my mate Brother Chawps are leaving the First Altdorf Bank when this huge shadow starts looming over us. First I think, 'Great, some pisshead's horse is about to try and eat my hat', so I turn around, and it's this beggar woman. She's at least six foot five, about 30 stone, and lemme tell you...she had EVERYTHING."
Dellamore points down at her lower regions and begins circling her hands around the area.
"She had legs that joined at the calves..."
Dellamore holds her right arm bent upwards over head like she's asking a question and points to her underarm with her left.
"Big ol wings like the Emperor's mount. I ain't even gonna mention the size of the cleavage, but let's just say she could give a greenskin's neck a good wanking. So she looks at Chawps and says,
Dellamore's tone sounds like two stones rubbing against each other, trying to pass off as a female voice.
"Gives me a couple of Karls and I'll lets ya scores."
"Well, us Laughers, we look out for each other and try to stay out of trouble when we can. so I'm putting together this great line about losing sigmar's favor and cheapening the inquisitor's seal, how the light can't possibly shine under all those folds...but what comes out of my sqawker is 'Brother, you take that bit o' skirt back to the officer's lounge and you are the Altdorf shag KING."
Dellamore pauses to take a sip out of her pint. She sighs and smacks her lips, quietly murmuring the word 'tasty'.
"So we head back to the Officer's Lounge. We get inside and the whore slings us off her shoulders."
Dellamore pauses for a bit and takes another sip while a few snickers float around the room.
"She sits Brother Chawps down in a chair and goes, 'Nou, you justs sits here and waits for me to puts on somethings more, puuuurrrrrr, comfortable.'"
"So, Brother Chawps pulls his hat down in front of, ehem, himself, pretending to get ready for the working lass,putting me in stitches. We're hearing a bunch of bangin and knockin, sounds like she has a Hellblaster in the other room."
"Finally, we hear the flight master scream 'Ironbeard's oath! MAKE ME UNSEE!', which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening. The door opens and she comes sauntering in with the grace of a half munted Red Eye giant. So she's waddling in and I'm wondering what the hell it is she's wearing, when it hits me she's down ripped the Corruption banner we took and wrapped it around herself."
Dellamore motions for another drink and she drains the last bit from her pint. The laughter subsides as she looks out in acknowledgment.
"I KNOW, we used that thing to block the sun from the bay window!"
"Any road, she sits down next to Chawps, starts rubbing the inside of her thighs like she's making pie crust and whispers at Chawps 'Eh, so what ya do for the livings?'" So I guess Chawps decided to be a bit off a smartass and goes 'Me? I'm a surveyor for the city. Working on getting the sewers tip top.' And she goes, 'Ahhh, puurrrrr, well that's mighty handy.' Now, at this point I'm hiding behind my hat as well, keeping Chawps from seeing the part of me that is laughing and the whore seeing the part of me that was horrified. Chawps looks at her and goes, 'Oh, and why is that?'"
"Cause there's a big damp crack in me bedroom you need to work on."
At this point, I shoot up out of the chair to leave the room. Chawps though, he's a bloody champ and keeps going with it, saying 'Well, might be an issues with condensation, I mean, what makes you think it's the crack that's damp?"
"Cause it's blooooody weeeeeepin'."
Amidst laughter, Dellamore picks up her hat and waves out to the crowd, stepping off the stage and sitting down with some of her guildkin, their laughs rising above all elses.